this american life.

I'm writing this blog post at Starbucks. In America. Iced latte in hand. Blackberry beside me. Typing on my MacBook computer. A view of the lake in the distance. I just finished exercising in an air-conditioned gym that is less than 3 miles from my house. I drove to get there. Last night I served $20 steaks to people who are among the wealthiest in the world. Then I went home to sleep in a bed, under a fan, complete with pillows and sheets. Soon I will begin working on my second degree at one of the most expensive universities in the nation. I do not take these blessings and privileges lightly. But today I wonder, why me?

I am immensely grateful to have been born in this country and at this particular time in history. I have been given a life of comfort greater than most can dream. I don't plan to renounce my citizenship or even clean out my closet full of clothes and shoes, but a sense of guilt does wash over me now because I know I have not done enough to make the world a better place. Three years ago I traveled through some of the most poverty stricken nations on earth and now I live as if I've forgotten all that I've seen. I shop too much, spend money on expensive and unnecessary drinks, and do not set myself apart as someone whose purpose is to serve the needs of those less fortunate. It's so hard to remain passionate about the world when surrounded by affluence and apathy. But I blame no one but myself. Listening to Tracy Chapman's song, "Mountains O' Things," reminds me of the calling I've received to care for the poor and provide education to the millions of children living without. I will use my blessings to change the world.

"Oh they tell me, there's still time to save my soul. They tell me, renounce all of those material things you gain by exploiting other human beings." - Tracy Chapman

a reason to give thanks.

One of the things I love most about Thanksgiving is the opporunity it gives to pause and reflect on life's blessings. The things I am thankful for are too numerous to list in full, but a few of them include: my mom, dad, brother, and sister, parents that encourage me to follow my dreams, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, being an American citizen, a warm house, food, a well-paying job, good health, music, books, the opportunity to travel the world, fun memories, good friends in Asia, my best friend in the solar system, bicycles, coffee shops, my journal, freedom, photography, shoes, changing seasons, laughter, faith, the many wonderful people that have been a part of my life during the last 2 years, sunshine, exotic islands, airplanes, and a loving God who has blessed me with so much more than I deserve.

This Thanksgiving season meant more to me than ever before because it has been 3 years since I last celebrated it with family. Although I made many wonderful friends while living overseas, nothing compares to spending the holidays with people who love you unconditionally. I had a great time eating turkey and pie, sharing stories and photos from my last year in Korea, and seeing all of my relatives again. I am so thankful for my family and this time we have together before I return to Asia. I am blessed.


my mom's side of the family at the lakehouse. all 24 of us!


dad, sister, brother, me, and mom on thanksgiving day.

we celebrated with my dad's family too, but unfortunately i don't have any photos to share.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

first impressions.

A week and a half ago I said a tearful goodbye to wonderful friends who have greatly influenced this last year of my life and boarded a plane for America. Although I have been "home" for a few days I am still in a state of culture shock. Everything is so much different than I remember, or maybe this last year in Seoul has changed me in ways that I am only just now discovering. Anderson Cooper once wrote about his travels by saying, "The longer you are gone, the harder it is to return." America has been my home for the last 23 years but the longer I stay in Asia the more disconnected I feel upon returning. During these last few days I have felt like an alien walking in a foreign land... moving from point A to B but not knowing how I got there. Only lately are things beginning to make more sense as I try to take things one day at a time. Leaving South Korea was one of the hardest moves I have ever made because I miss the life and friends that I left behind so much more than can be expressed in words. I am so thankful for last 14 months that were spent in Seoul. I think it was one of the most formative and exciting experiences in my life thus far. But now that I am in America I want to do everything I can to take advantage of this time with my family and friends before returning to Asia. I don't want to spend my time here dwelling on past memories or disoriented by the American way of life that now feels foreign. I know that the future is full of opportunites to travel, explore, and learn and I am excited to see where life leads. Despite the frequent feelings of sadness and confusion, I will find reason to rejoice!

First impressions upon returning to America:

- The pace of life. After living in a big city like Seoul the American suburbs seem like such a lonely place with their big houses and fenced yards. Everyday I find myself longing to return to a place full of streetside cafes, crowded shopping districts, and busy subways. I miss the constant movement of the city.

- The people. For the last 2 1/2 years I have been surrounded by thin, well-dressed Asians with black hair and almond shaped eyes. Although people are all unique in thier own way, they have the same defining features. Now I find myself in a place where everyone looks drastically different. I can't help but stare at the strange looking, oddly shaped men and women of various colors and sizes that I encouter throughout the day. We are a strange looking race (myself included). Now I understand why so many guys are attracted to Asian women... I would be too!

- The sky. I love the saying that everything is bigger in Texas, and it's true! I love driving along the highway and watching the sunset stretch across the earth. I haven't seen a sky this big, or blue, in a long time.

- The culture. Upon returning to America I have been trying to find something that defines this country. I never realized how diverse our nation is until I began traveling. In America it's not uncommon to see people from many different countries in a single day, or to eat Chinese food for dinner one night and Mexican the next. But in some ways I think this "melting pot" society has erased all uniqueness and left us without our own culture. One of the things I love about Asia is the distinct differences between thier way of life and my own... using chopsicks, eating rice at every meal, bowing to say hello, taking your shoes off in someone's home, practicing tae kwon do, etc. I am on a quest to discover what defines America.

home on the other side.

Today I miss this house and the people who live inside.



It's hard to believe that I will return to America in 22 days. It doesn't seem real.