the torch comes to seoul.

Today was a day I will never forget.

This afternoon I walked over to Olympic Park expecting to take a few photos of the Olympic torch as it moved through Seoul, and was instead bombarded with a display of Chinese nationalism unlike anything I've ever witnessed. Eager to capture history being made, I pulled out my camera and began taking photos of the thousands and thousands of Zhongguoren proudly holding their red and yellow communist flag. Nationalist chants could be heard from all directions as people shouted "One China! One dream!" and "Zhongguo, China!" hoping to drown out any resentment coming from the protesters. Students held handmade banners and posters that declared their love for China and their disdain for Western media. Along the edge of the park American, European and Korean activist denounced China's human rights record in Tibet and North Korea and stood carrying signs and wearing hats and shirts in protest. There was a frenzy of excitement and anticipation as media stations swarmed the park hoping to capture the events as they unfolded. I just couldn't believe I was in the middle of it all.







As the torch was making its way to Olympic Park tensions began to rise among the Chinese. If I learned anything about China while living there last year, it is that its people are fiercely devoted to their country and will do anything possible to defend it. Today was no exception. I found myself standing and talking with a man who works for a North Korean refugee organization in Seoul when anger among the Chinese was unleashed. The man, Tim, was wearing a shirt that vividly depicted the horrendous treatment of China towards the North Koreans as they flee their poverty-stricken country. As soon as students took notice of his shirt the rioting exploded and I found myself completely encircled by about 30+ police officers as the Chinese angrily shouted from all directions. Flags were waving. Cameras were rolling. Fists were beating the air. It was one of those surreal moments when I couldn't believe I was actually a part of the action. Adrenaline began pulsing through my body and all I could do was try to document every movement with my camera. The only other people inside of the circle were AP photographers and press members, along with the anti-Chinese activist. I wasn't the least bit scared to be there. In fact, it was such a rush that all I felt was pure excitement. In that moment I couldn't help but think it might be fun to be a photojournalist.


this vido was taken at the time tensions began to rise and the police completely surrounded the anti-chinese protesters. i was lucky enough to be shooting this clip from the inside!





The torch made a 4 1/2 hour journey through Seoul and ended up at City Hall this evening. Around the time the flame was due to arrive, I made my way to this area of the city and was once again greeted with thousands and thousands of people chanting, Chinese flags waving through the air, and students wearing pro-China T-shirts and face paint. It was truly an incredible sight. I met up with a couple of girl friends and somehow we were able to get a front row view when the torch was run into the stadium. It's such a strange feeling to know that the very torch that was just feet away from me this afternoon has been carried all around the world. During the last few months it has become one of the most controversial centerpieces of international politics. I am so anxious to see how the events in Beijing will unfold as the Olympics get closer. I am so lucky to have been a part of the excitement today.





I want to end this blog by expressing my love for the people of China. Living there was one of the best experiences of my life thus far, and I have nothing but respect for the millions of hard-working citizens who are the backbone of the country. I have made friendships with students and teachers in Changsha that I hope will last forever. However, today I was once again angered by the undeniably cruel Chinese goverment that inflicts censorship, discrimination, forced birth control, and dozens of other atrocities against its own people. It's sad to see so many people blindly expressing patriotism to a nation so corrupt. It's time for the world to take a stand against the world's biggest regime and demand something more. The Olympics may not be the best platform for trying to create change, but there's no better time than now because the whole world is watching.

now that i have seen...

I watched this video for the first time a few months again and haven’t been able to get it out of my head since. It is a reminder of the great responsibility I have to care for the world’s less fortunate. I have been blessed beyond anything I deserve. I must give back.



I have seen Albertine on the faces of Cambodian children forced to beg wealthy tourists for money while roaming the streets barefoot. She sold postcards of Angkor Wat, illegal copies of popular English books, and handmade jewelry. I have seen Albertine on a bus ride through Laos. She wore a long, dirty dress and rolled balls of sticky rice by hand to feed her two young children. I have seen her in homeless shelters throughout America. She always spoke with hope in her voice, despite being unable to find a job and having to eat from soup kitchens day after day. Albertine…I will not forget you.

“Now that I have seen I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead.”

cheongdo bullfighting festival.

Saturday morning my friends and I boarded a train at Seoul Station and headed towards a tiny town tucked away in the mountains of Korea. It was my first time being on a train since living in China and it made me somewhat nostalgic, but also incredibly excited, to be traveling through another country. I always love sitting next to the window and watching the countryside pass by outside.

As soon as we arrived in Cheongdo we caught a shuttle bus that took us to the annual bullfighting festival on the outskirts of town. The entire area was bustling with people and vendors and decorations that made this seemingly sleepy little village come to life. Surrounding the stadium there were dozens of carnival-type rides, open-air restaurants selling noodles and tteokbokki, local farmers offering samples of their dried persimmons, and performers singing and dancing on stages. As we navigated through the crowd to find our seats it was obvious that we weren't in Seoul anymore...we could feel the stares coming from every direction. I'm not sure Cheongdo natives had ever seen such a large group of foreigners in their town!


the whole group...minus josh who was behind the camera.

Having never been to a bullfighting festival, I didn't quite know what to expect. All throughout the day new bulls were brought into the ring, unleashed, and then expected to push their heads together until one of them got tired and gave up. It's still a weird concept to me, but I definitely had fun cheering for the biggest bull and pretending to understand the point of this strange sport. I'm also convinced that anything can be fun if you are with the right group of people! My friend Paul and I were able to take a few photos of the bullfights right next to the ring. Luckily, I brought my telephoto lens with me and was able to get some close up shots of the action.





At the end of the day we found a galbi restaurant and ate tons of pork wraps, soup, noodles, rice, etc. before heading to our hotel. The staff kindly offered us one of their suites at no extra charge and we took full advantage of the room. The place was spacious and was decorated in a renaissance meets red-light district style...always a classy combination. A large circular bed, complete with an ornate mirrored headboard, was against the back wall and dim red lights surrounded the top of the room. We used these "props" to our advantage and played a game of charades that lasted for hours. The bed became our stage and you were expected to stand on it while acting to your teammates who sat on the floor below. Some of the most fun moments of the night came when Kenna acted out Madonna's "Like a Virgin," and Meagan began screaming at her team for not being able to guess her movie with only a single action. I'm pretty sure I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Somehow the night began with only 8 people in the hotel room, and by about 10:30 pm there were almost 15 of us. Friends of friends kept showing up (probably because they heard us from the other floors) and soon it became one big party in room 301. Such a fun night!


mike's rendition of "mona lisa smile."


paul trying to act out an 80's song that no one had ever heard.


party in the love hotel.

Sunday morning we woke up fairly early and went back to the bullfighting festival. My friends, Josh and Bethany, had attended the bullfight last year and were asked to return and help with the annual rodeo demonstration. When we arrived at the stadium we met with an American cowboy from Nebraska who was running the show (seeing a guy with a big ole' belt buckle and a cowboy hat made me miss Texas!). He has been helping with the festival for years and was eager to find jobs for all of us. Most of the morning was spent hanging out and talking with the bull riders (a fun group of guys serving in the Air Force), taking pictures, and preparing for the show. At around 1 o'clock in the afternoon the rodeo began with all of us running around the inside of the ring trying to get the spectators excited. With thousands of Koreans watching, Bethany was the announcer, Eva the translator, Kenna, Julie, and Sharon the cheerleaders, and I was the gate girl. I stood inside of the ring and whenever the rider was bucked off it was my job to open the gate and usher the bull out. I only got scared once when a bull got confused about which side of the gate to exit on and headed straight towards me. I quickly ran away and abandoned my position...oops! Luckily I was just laughed at and someone else was there to take over. Everyone did such a great job and it was so fun being a part of the action. Look for us on Korean TV!


julie, sharon, kenna, and i pretending to be bulls while wearing the coolest visors you've ever seen.

Life can be so unexpected when you're living in a foreign country!

coffee shop thoughts.

I think it would be near impossible to find a day more beautiful than the one I find myself in now. This morning I woke up fairly early, hopped on my bike, and rode over to Olympic Park which is just minutes away from my apartment. I am sitting outside on the patio at The Coffee Bean overlooking a sparkling pond, blooming cherry blossom trees, and women and men exercising on the trails that are woven throughout the park. The sun is shinning and fluffy white clouds are set against a bright blue sky. It feels like one of those perfect days that you only see in movies. It's been so wonderful living in a place with distinct changes in the seasons. I loved feeling the air turn cool after a long, hot summer. Walking home from work with snowflakes falling down around me in the winter. And watching the trees and flowers come back to life this spring. I love the energy that comes with a change in the weather. Everything feels so alive right now.

I often wonder what I did to deserve so much happiness. Last night I was watching an episode of Oprah (no judgement, please) and dozens of women were talking about their struggle to feel content and satisfied with life. In some ways I couldn't even relate to them. I have truly found an unexplainable joy in living. This happiness has come through feeling loved by family and friends. Being brave enough to follow my dreams of living abroad. Helping beautiful Korean and Chinese children learn to speak a new language. Melting the stress of the day away with long runs on the treadmill. Riding my bike through Olympic Park on a spring morning. Laughing. Exploring new places. Developing an understanding of cultures different from my own. Taking photographs of some of the most beautiful sights in the world. And finding a few quiet moments each day to just be alone and think. I know that at 24 years old I have so much left to learn about life, but for now I am content.

Right now my mind is bringing back all of these perfect, peaceful moments that I have been blessed enough to enjoy. I can so vividly remember waking up in southern Thailand, eating banana pancakes for breakfast, and spending the entire day laying next to the ocean with the sun and cool air washing over me. I remember mornings spent at a street side cafe in Luang Prabang, Laos drinking a cup of sweetened iced coffee while monks dressed in bright orange robes walked down the street. I can almost taste the spicy Chinese noodles topped with fresh mushrooms and peppers that I ate at an outdoor restraunt in Lijiang. I can feel the cool mountain that blew through the park in Interlaken, Switzerland. These memories are only a few that flood my mind now. It's so hard to believe that it was really me in all of those moments. Not only has life taken me on incredible journeys around the world, but its also provided me with friendship along the way. People to enjoy the experiences alongside. I am blessed beyond anything I deserve.

One of my favorite songs begins with these words: "Life gets a little better. Life stays a little gray. Live it up. Live it long. You can always count on those unexpected moments when the pleasure just sweeps you away." I have truly been swept away.

A few photos of Olympic Park:


the view from where I sit now. journal, ipod, coffee...perfection.


a view of the olympic monument from the top of a hill.


one of many walking/biking trails in the park.


the olympic monument built for the '88 games.


flags from around the world.

a weekend in the mountains.

This post is long overdue, but as I'm sure you know by now I'm not very good at blogging on a regular basis. Life always seems to get in the way. However, a few weeks ago I went on a snowboarding/ski trip with a few friends from Seoul and wanted to share some photos. To get to the mountains we had to wake up at 4 am on Saturday morning and take a bus about 3 1/2 hours to the High 1 Resort in the northern part of the country. The place was beautiful and luckily wasn't very crowded. It was my first time on a snowboard and I loved every minute of it! However, my body didn't feel the same because I was ridiculously sore for about 3 days...just asked my girl friends who had to help me get dressed every morning. It was all worth it, though, and I'm already looking foward to next winter. This was easily one of the most fun weekends I've had since living in Korea. Good friends. Snow. An outdoor jacuzzi. A condo over-looking the slopes. Wonderful!


the whole group at the top of the mountain.


me and eva. the beginners.


passed out in the middle of the slope. snowboarding is seriosuly such hard work.


lunch break! gimbap. noodles. mandu.


hanging out in our a-m-a-z-i-n-g condo complete with flat screen TVs, 3 bedrooms, and a balcony overlooking the mountains.

I know I say it all the time, but it's true... life here is so fun.

somewhere in the middle.

Written March 30, 2008:

I want to preface this by saying I am not crazy.

I'm sitting on my heated korean floor right now. All of my lights are turned off and a single candle is burning on the kitchen table. Sigur Ros is singing to me in Icelandic. I am eating a bowl full of thai coconut curry and drinking a glass of red wine. Life feels like its happening in slow motion.

I've spent a lot of time alone this weekend reading my book about travel, writing, and listening to music. All of this time to reflect has left me feeling completely confused, discontent, sad, but strangely hopeful. The melody of this Sigur Ros song transports me to another world. A place where my thoughts are safe and can find comfort in solitude. Right now I live between extremes. The chaos of the city conflicts with the calmness inside of my apartment. I am so overwhelmed by life. I cant even find the words. I feel like I'm floating between two places. Trying to make sense of something...anything. Trying to find love. Trying to find purpose. Trying to find passion. Trying to find something to believe in. My brain is full of questions. I know I love Asia, but why? Do I love it because I always feel discontent in America, or is there a deeper purpose for my being here? What do I want out of life? How do I portray myself to the world...but better yet, who am I really when no one else is around? Why am I so affected by people? Where is my life headed? Am I worthy of being loved?

Tonight I stepped out of the subway into a dark, cloudy night and never felt more alone. It was one of those moments that even when you have dozens of friends to call, you still feel like you're lost on a deserted island. I put in my headphones, turned on Sigur Ros, hopped on my bike, and just rode without a purpose. I rode over to Olympic Park and kept peddling as though some divine revelation was going to come to me if I kept moving. Nothing happened. Eventually I found a quiet place to sit near a pond with a view of the city lights. I sat there for almost an hour. I must have looked like a crazy person because I spent almost the entire time quietly talking to myself and then to God. It was the most real conversations I've had in years. I told God what I wanted out of life and asked Him over and over again to not forget about me. I talked about my passion for the world and my hope to make a difference. I told Him how meaningless it feels to experience so much joy and beauty, but to have no one to share it with. I told God that I was tired of going home every night to an empty apartment and desperately wanted assurance that it wouldnt be this way forever. Eventually the words turned to tears and numbness washed over me. Tonight just felt lonely. Today I realized for the first time that its just me in this world. I guess on some level I've always known that, but it felt more real today. I chose to come to Korea, and I wouldnt change this experience for anything, but I know all I have here is superfical love. Conditonal friendships. Lately I've realized it doesnt matter where I am in the world, the situation will most likely be the same. I guess its just hard when you so desperately know that you were made to love and take care of someone, but at the end of the day you only have yourself to think about. It's a dizzying feeling. I'm not just talking about romantic love either. Any kind really. Loving someone who is lonely, sick, hungry, etc. My life feels like it lacks purpose without love. It's never been more clear that it is now...I am all alone. How did I not recognize this sooner?

This book I've been reading is about one woman's journey to find contentment while traveling through three very different countries. She spent almost 4 months living in an ashram in India learning meditation and balance. She would wake up at 3 am every single morning to sit in a dark room and chant and pray. She ate vegetarian meals, met people from all around the world, rid herself of most material possesions, and ended up finding God. I'm not claiming to need the same experience, but it sounds so incredible. Sometimes I feel so far from the person i want to be, and want to remove myself from the busyness of the city to find out who I really am and what I want out of life. I'm not sure i know who I am anymore. I'd like to think I have it all figured out...but I dont. I am a constant contradiction. As soon as I finish this email I am going to try and meditate. I'm not very good at being still for any length of time but i am going to try. I think it will feel good to make my head hollow (as my friends in China used to say).

One of my favorite passages from this book says, "I keep remembering one of my guru's teachings about happiness. She said that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like find weather if you're fortunate enough. But thats not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, and insist upon it, and sometimes even travel the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you dont, you will leak away your innate contentment. Its easy though to pray when you're in distress but continuing to pray even when your in crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments."

I know I am blessed beyond anything I deserve. I know I have no right to demand anything more from life. I know that I have a God who loves me. I know I have every reason in the world to be happy. I hate that I am victim to the human condition that always leaves me longing for something more. I desperately want to believe that God has not forgotten about me. I am going to fight to hold onto happiness.

I know i was made for this. To be in the world, traveling, living among people whose culture is so different than my own, and building friendships in the most unexpected places. I find so much joy and content in this lifestyle. I just need to trust the process.

Rejoice!